I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
