The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Randomize
