This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Randomize
