Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
