Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
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