I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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