Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
