nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
