how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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