Just fell off a train. Bad.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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