ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Your mouth is God's brothel.
You can't motorboat a personality
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Randomize
