So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
