idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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