Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
