apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
