just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
