I just cut my nipple shaving
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize