I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
