hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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