im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
smell my finger.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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