He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
i was born a porn star she said
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Randomize
