We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
