We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
