She went from zero to smokin in five shots
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
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