If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
