If i come over, it means nothing
Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize