i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
