My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
