So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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