Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Randomize
