i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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