This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
