Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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