I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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