I got chris browned last night
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
They are going to name an STD after you.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Randomize
