Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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