Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
