All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Randomize
