I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Randomize
