It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
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