I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
