I love black thongs
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
