I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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