Got a toothbrush?
Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
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