We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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