just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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