oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
if only i could text you this smell
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
