i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
