She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
