I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
