What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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