I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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