Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
