And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
