Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
