proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
