I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
