so that wasnt chicken after all
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
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