Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize
