i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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