Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Randomize
