I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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