The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
My bed smells like the plague
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
