Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
