the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Randomize
