He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
