I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
