I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
