hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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