when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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