Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
that may or may not have been my penis.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
