Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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