yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Randomize
