It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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