i just wanna soil my oats bro
i just had sex bonerless
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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