So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
