That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I can't turn off my feet"
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
