the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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