Fine. I'll sleep in my office
we made out on top of his cat.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
