I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Randomize
