The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
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